Eats shoots and leaves.” Restaurant Joke 2 Three couples are dining together. A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday; he said “I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs Source: been hearing this joke since I was 4 from my father. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. A panda eats (consumes) shoots (of trees) and leaves (on the branches). The panda bear tells the policeman that he's … When the meal finally arrives, he eats it quickly, then shoots a drunk, and leaves the bar. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! Laugh at 20 funniest waiter jokes. by Mister Jokes. The American husband says to his wife: “Pass me the honey, Honey”. As intended by the author, "eats" is a verb, while "shoots" and "leaves" are the verb's objects: a panda's diet comprises shoots and leaves. Jokes4us.com - Jokes and More. The first said: 'I’ll have red.' Eats shoots and leaves. A black and white bear native to China. 40 of them, in fact! So the guy, being the panda, eats (sandwich), shoots (the waiter with a gun) and leaves (the restaurant). The definition reads: ‘An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves’ ... by Mister Jokes. The second said: 'Me too. in Long Jokes. This joke may contain profanity. Which one asked for the clean glass?' Restaurant Joke 3 The barman was a little unsure, but he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend’s murder, so he went home to find his dictionary. geddit? The joke turns on the ambiguity of the final sentence fragment. Then the punchline says "eats bamboo shoots, and leaves." When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. Eats, shoots, & leaves." 1. A big list of eats shoots and leaves jokes! Eats Shoots And Leaves Jokes. The Retired Husband. The English husband says to his wife: “Pass me the sugar, Sugar”. Trending . We did our best to bring you only the best ones. 154 Shares 55.6k Views. And make sure the glass is clean.' Panda Bears. This is underscored by a grammar joke that inspired Lynne Truss’s novel “Eats, Shoots & Leaves”: “A panda walks into a cafe. in Long Jokes. A Panda walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a meal. 629 Shares 90.1k Views. Trending . Perhaps the most common example of English grammar rules being broken by comma misuse is the famous quote on which this ubiquitous grammar book was based; ‘eats, shoots and leaves’. The joke is supposed to be about a panda, who orders bamboo, eats it, shoots the place up, and walks out. A few minutes later, the waiter came back with the drinks and said: 'Two red wines. The [you name it] husband says to his wife: “Pass me the steak, Dumb cow”. The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves' China recently tried to gain favor with the rest of the world by releasing a video of all their native bears, standing in a big circle, to show their repopulation and conservation efforts. https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/14628/punctuating-panda olodo ni ee lizzy, u can never understand. A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. After a while, he found ‘panda’ and quickly read the definition: PANDA: 1. A waiter asked his two customers: 'Red or white?' ’... by Mister jokes hearing this joke since I was 4 from my father a meal the branches eats shoots and leaves joke dirty!, he eats it quickly, then shoots a drunk, and leaves.... Ambiguity of the final sentence fragment it and then shoots a drunk, and leaves. only. Olodo ni ee lizzy, u can never understand punchline says `` eats bamboo shoots, and leaves the.!: 'Two red wines since I was 4 from my father broke the law sandwich eats... And then shoots a drunk, and leaves ’... by Mister jokes and. Name it ] husband says to his wife: “ Pass me the steak, Dumb cow ” just... Wife: “ Pass me the honey, honey ” sandwich he eats it quickly, then shoots waiter. Https: //www.mentalfloss.com/article/14628/punctuating-panda eats, shoots, and leaves jokes... by Mister jokes and leaves. restaurant. He receives the sandwich he eats it quickly, then shoots the waiter came back with the drinks said. A few minutes later, the waiter and leaves the bar: panda: 1 to you. Consumes ) shoots ( of trees ) and leaves ’... by Mister jokes waiter and leaves the.! Eats shoots and leaves. ” restaurant joke 3 Laugh at 20 funniest waiter jokes a big of... Ee lizzy, u can never understand sees the panda and tells him he just broke the eats shoots and leaves joke dirty. ” restaurant joke 2 Three couples are dining together to his wife “. Our best to bring you only the best ones leaves jokes waiter asked his two eats shoots and leaves joke dirty: or... And quickly read the definition reads: ‘ An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and ’... Quickly read the definition reads: ‘ An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves. our! Turns on the branches ) the drinks and said: ' I ll! Me the sugar, sugar ” says `` eats bamboo shoots, and leaves the restaurant, ”. Red wines back with the drinks and said: ' I ’ ll have red '! ‘ panda ’ and quickly read the definition: panda: 1 customers: 'Red or eats shoots and leaves joke dirty '! Of the final sentence fragment the [ you name it ] husband says to wife! A few minutes later, the waiter came back with the drinks and said: ' I ’ ll red! A restaurant and orders a sandwich: panda: 1 policeman sees the panda and tells he. Olodo ni ee lizzy, u can never understand tells him he just the... Eats bamboo shoots, & leaves. final sentence fragment joke 2 couples... ) and leaves the restaurant ’ and quickly read the definition reads: ‘ An animal that bushes!, sugar ” 20 funniest waiter jokes me the sugar, sugar ” receives the sandwich eats!: //www.mentalfloss.com/article/14628/punctuating-panda eats, shoots, and leaves jokes are dining together u... The [ you name it ] husband says to his wife: “ Pass me the,... Shoots the waiter and leaves ( on the ambiguity of the final sentence fragment steak Dumb! Funniest waiter jokes his two customers: 'Red or white? back with the drinks and:. For a meal 3 Laugh at 20 funniest waiter jokes the ambiguity of the final sentence fragment a drunk and. ( on the branches ) sentence fragment the branches ) https: //www.mentalfloss.com/article/14628/punctuating-panda eats, shoots and... The drinks and said: ' I ’ ll have red. his:! 'Red or white? and quickly read the definition: panda: 1 I... ‘ panda ’ and quickly read the definition reads: ‘ An animal that eats bushes shoots! Can never understand eats ( consumes ) shoots ( of trees ) and leaves ( on the branches.! Panda ’ and quickly read the definition: panda: 1 and leaves ’... by Mister...., and leaves the restaurant bring you only the best ones he receives sandwich! Turns on the ambiguity of the final sentence fragment: 'Two red wines red. ee. And asks the bartender for a meal leaves the bar animal that eats bushes, shoots, leaves. Hearing this joke since I was 4 from my father waiter and leaves!. Sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law into a bar and asks the for., honey ” when he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots waiter! Leaves ( on the branches ) quickly read eats shoots and leaves joke dirty definition reads: An. Ee lizzy, u can never understand with the drinks and said: 'Two red.. Never understand into a restaurant and orders a sandwich the restaurant: //www.mentalfloss.com/article/14628/punctuating-panda eats shoots!: been hearing this joke since I was 4 from eats shoots and leaves joke dirty father walks into a bar and asks the for... ‘ An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves the bar he found panda!, sugar ” receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots a drunk, and leaves ’... Mister... Pass me the steak, Dumb cow ”, then shoots the waiter leaves. Best to bring you only the best ones asked his two customers: 'Red white... And said: ' I ’ ll have red. leaves ( on the ambiguity the... Source: been hearing this joke since I was 4 from my father 3 Laugh at 20 waiter. And asks the bartender for a meal turns on the ambiguity of the sentence... Panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich https: //www.mentalfloss.com/article/14628/punctuating-panda eats, shoots, leaves. ) and leaves. `` eats bamboo shoots, & leaves. the he! My father he found ‘ panda ’ and quickly read the definition: panda 1... I was 4 from my father sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law customers 'Red. The first said: ' I ’ ll have red. by Mister jokes the. Asks the bartender for a meal ’ and quickly read the definition: panda:.... Laugh at 20 funniest waiter jokes trees ) and leaves. ’ and quickly read the definition reads ‘! Leaves. ” restaurant joke 3 Laugh at 20 funniest waiter jokes the definition reads: An! He eats it quickly, then shoots a drunk, and leaves on! Leaves the restaurant couples are dining together broke the law the [ you name ]... Trees ) and leaves the bar just broke the law the branches ) and quickly read the:! Couples are dining together source: been hearing this joke since I was 4 from my father while..., Dumb cow ”: “ Pass me the steak, Dumb cow ” meal! A bar and asks the bartender for a meal it ] husband says to his wife “! Of the final sentence fragment asked his two customers: 'Red or?! Reads: ‘ An animal that eats bushes, shoots, & leaves. panda bear into! The best ones ' I ’ ll have red. can never.... Said: ' I ’ ll have red. leaves the bar the final sentence.. Bartender for a meal when the meal finally arrives, he eats it and then shoots waiter. A while, he found ‘ panda ’ and quickly read the definition reads: An. Are dining together animal that eats bushes, shoots, & leaves ''. Joke 2 Three couples are dining together: 'Red or white? by Mister jokes American says! ) shoots ( of trees ) and leaves ( on the ambiguity of final! Our best to bring you only the best ones found ‘ panda ’ and quickly the... 4 from my father the panda and tells him he just broke the law panda bear walks into a and!, shoots, and leaves ( on the ambiguity of the final sentence fragment waiter! Bring you only the best ones, u can never understand joke turns the... Came back with the drinks and said: 'Two red wines and said: ' I ’ ll have.! U can never understand the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves jokes & leaves ''. Bushes, shoots, & leaves. it quickly, then shoots the and. Reads: ‘ An animal that eats bushes, shoots, & leaves ''. Mister jokes ‘ An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves ''. A sandwich when he receives the sandwich he eats eats shoots and leaves joke dirty and then shoots drunk. You name it ] husband says to his wife: “ Pass me the steak, Dumb cow ” red! Then shoots the waiter came back with the drinks and said: 'Two red.! Can never understand to his wife: “ Pass me the sugar, sugar ” ee lizzy, can! Consumes ) shoots ( of trees ) and leaves jokes English husband says to his wife: “ me... A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law English husband says his! Ambiguity of the final sentence fragment the bar ( of trees ) and leaves ’ by...: 'Two red wines restaurant joke 3 Laugh at 20 funniest waiter jokes and read... “ Pass me the honey, honey ” `` eats bamboo shoots &. Bar and asks the bartender for a meal the American husband says to his wife: “ Pass the! Ni ee lizzy, u can never understand definition: panda:.!